Help Wanted will see you next week with an episode on human trafficking. 

Help Wanted talks about toxic patterns in mother daughter relationships, famous tv moms, and giving moms a break. Plus, Valerie's pro Greg Kinnear, and Reggie doesn't know what to think of him. Reggie thinks matchy matchy Sears family photos are definitely a white person thing, and Valerie is still carrying around Tiny Pies weight and wants an emcee gig at the Buda Weiner Dog races. This episode sponsored by Clark's Middle Management Shoes. 

Comedian Jennifer Dorsey joins Help Wanted to talk about all the stupid things women apologize for and why it's so hard to apologize when you're actually wrong. Jennifer is also filled with fun facts about the Irish famine, Little Women, and the origin of margarine (rate your favorite: Parkay? Country Crock? Fleishman's?). This episode is sponsored by Twix Fix: one Twix won't solve everything but two Twix can fix anything!

Actor and comedian Brittany Flurry (The Naked Feminist, Team Teamwork Productions) talks with Help Wanted about oversharing, and how we might be prone to doing it because we're more and more disconnected as a society. What's authentic and what's A LOT? Does it matter if the thing shared is sad and gloomy or entertaining? How do we discern what's enough and what's too much? Reading the room and asking yourself "is this helpful?" are a couple of ways to think about what we're sharing and when. How do we respond on social media when someone's breaking down or TMIing every post. Ultimately sharing might be caring.Plus how to buy a car and why is everyone we went to high school with selling Rodan + Fields mascara? Sponsored by Accidental Run in w/Your Ex!

Do you have a problem with gossip? It might not even be a problem. Because we like finding loopholes for trash talking, Help Wanted found research to support that gossip can be healthy for forming social bonds. Some folks even believe that Neanderthals gossiped and that fire, grooming, and hunting and gathering all provided venues for the chatty cave people of yore to comment on Becki's messy hair and Dylan's bitchy attitude. We also contemplate differences between caramel, butterscotch, and toffee. Reggie is not a fan of Paula Abdul, but loves a PayDay and a hollow chocolate Santa Claus, while Valerie's fave candy is a PB Reese's egg. This episode sponsored by Magic 8 Balls, when coin flipping isn't an option because of your poor hand-eye coordination and when eeney miney mo won't work because of its racial slurs, try the Magic 8 Ball!. 

"Wanna Netflix and ill?" is Regina's new motto. She's been feverish and remains fearful about having sepsis. Valerie had a rage attack at the Fiat dealership and later on drove 5 miles with her handbrake on because she's car illiterate. Karen Blaney joins us to talk about sustainability and the environment. We talk about unnecessary plastic wrappers and things you can do to lower your carbon footprint that you might not be thinking about. Want the skinny on composting? Karen's got it. Did you know there's a Union of Concerned Scientists? They're an earnest group with a list of 10 Personal Solutions to Global Warming. Sponsored by Room Service Sized Condiments. 

Help Wanted debuts their first live episode. Reggie and Valerie seek advice from some of Austin's funniest comics and hear their sets as well. Elizabeth Spears has opinions on Funyuns, and we learn about her roommate's dog, and Regina's favorite gas station treat: Munchos. Ali Thompson talks about dick pics and quality t-shirts. Robert Segovia is an expert on Chicago food and office etiquette and Vanessa Gonzalez shares birth control chicken nugget conspiracy theories and tells us why she's obsessed with sax solos. This episode is sponsored by DIY IUDs, Standup Comic Standup Desks, and Box Box. 

Rage attacks are on the rise, post-election. Did you know that in the 2 hours following a fit of rage, you're more likely to have a heart attack. We talk about how breathing exercises, meditation, and being around others can help us tame our inner rage and learn that the cause for being prone to rage is sometimes due to brain injuries. Reggie might have a leg infection and Valerie feels like she can't breathe, either from Austin's vile allergies or from walking pneumonia. Valerie doesn't feel malaise or laissez-faire or nicoise. Plus gorilla families, grocery budgets, cast iron skillets, ear bumps, and brussels sprouts. WARNING: This episode features a lotta gross body talk for some reason. This episode sponsored by Episodes of Nova You DVR But Never Watch, because in this political climate watching PBS documentaries on climate change is just TOO much.

Resources
5 Science-Based Ways to Break the Cycle of Rage Attacks 
When Rage Explodes, Brain Damage May Be the Cause

Regina on a hunt for a free cupcake and shares an icky saga of her sweet doggie Annie (a small-mouthed stoic animal) being attacked by a neighborhood dog who got into Reggie's yard via a fence hole. We do a deep dive into the circumstances and a sort of People's Court ruling on who needs to pay for what. We also have tips for what you can do if your dog is attacked by another. We also have tips for what you should do if you find yourself in such an unfortunate situation as a dog attack. Valerie talks kitten socialization, almost naming her cat Joe Biden, IUDs and breastfeeding. Brussel sprouts are a delicious and trendy veggie! This episode sponsored by Bath WMDs, the bath product sold everywhere the UN won't look. 

Valerie and Reggie got the "male's perspective on dating" at a cougar-y workshop facilitated by a Suze Orman-esque Rock Rose ex-therapist, current charlatan. It made Regina discouraged and Valerie temporarily into Bumble. Former public access star and all-around delight Arcie Cola joins Help Wanted to tell us what tarot is and what it isn't. Arcie is a self-taught tarot card reader who first learned while hosting a live, call-in show. Today she does readings for Austin.com. We talk DIY tarot cards and she gives Reggie and Valerie readings. Arcie also dabbles in conspiracy theories, and helps us figure out what happened to that Malaysian plane. The episode sponsored by Anxies, a new line of leggings to wear when you're feeling anxious. 

Reggie's leg is healing nicely since her fall into a hole. Valerie is taking a memoir writing class and everyone needs a new tub. We talk with Susan Schorn, a Karate double black belt, writer (Smile at Strangers), and self-defense instructor, about activism, communicating with assertion, nonviolent protest, and how she uses the martial arts to channel anger. Plus tips for dealing with street harassment and effective resistance. This episode sponsored by Breakroom Food, for when you'd rather eat a chocolate Santa wrapped in foil than question your life's choices, and from City of Exhausting t-shirts, tees with love hate relationship with the city of Austin. 

Help Wanted talks with comedic performer and all-around fun person Amanda Smith about the law of attraction and Abraham Hicks, aka, Esther Hicks, a guru type who taps into source energy that we can all also tap into if we want to manifest our dreams. Amanda shares a story about going to a hippie retreat in California introduced her to positive thinking, which ultimately ledd her to make a move to Austin, and an eerie thing that happened after her move. Plus oh my! Reggie fell into a hole, (kind of, just her leg), saw bone, and had to celebrate President's Day in the ER, instead of buying a mattress. Valerie can't count in Spanish past 12, or actually 11 if she's being truthful. This episode sponsored by DIY IUDs; you can make an IUD out of plenty of household items: old receipts, a chopstick from Panda Express, or a wad of old twist ties from that drawer in your kitchen with the batteries and melted gum. 

Turns out Valerie's hubcap bandit from last week wasn't actually a thing. Reggie can't figure out her world since rearranging her bedroom and she may or may not have had an attempted break-in. We turn to bad habits often to help us deal with stress. Overeating, overcouching, overworking, over everything. BBQ potato chops and tears are Regina's way of coping. But we can have more fulfilling lives if we build good habits and change the bad ones. We have tips for how to make good habits stick (don't focus on changing everything in one fell swoop you'll fail). Plus, many interruptions from Valerie's new kitten who has many names and you can still buy Tang. Who knew? Sponsored by Lash Catastrophe, the lash lengthening serum sold on Facebook by women you went to high school with.

Valerie and Reggie talk with licensed therapist, Elizabeth Dossman LPC-S, about shopping for a therapist. We discuss questions to ask the therapists you're looking at working with, awkward first sessions, different types of practitioners, what therapists are really writing in their notes, how to "break up" with a therapist, how can get services even if you don't have money, equine and art therapy, and much more. You can find out more about Elizabeth Dossman and her approach at www.elizabethdossman.com. Plus Regina shares her weird apartment therapist story, and Valerie reveals she has a hubcap bandit. This episode sponsored by Flatbreads, a tasteless menu item for when you want to make pizza great again, but it actually already is.

Writer and funeral director Sarah Wambold makes her second visit to Help Wanted to discuss political activism. Sarah shares her experiences getting involved as a college student with marijuana legalization and how post-election her activist tendencies have increased times a million. She gives insight on protests, social media, canvassing and phone calls. Plus some tips on how to be an activist if you're an introvert or don't have a lot of energy.  Reggie and Valerie both want someone to teach them how to shoot weapons to prepare for the impending apocalypse. Sarah advises going out without your phone. And also, Valerie went to LA for ice cream, amazing pancakes, beaches and to witness a homeless guy humping the sidewalk. Plus AirBnB hidden cameras and Costco broccoli soup. This episode sponsored by Sharpies, the number one writing utensil for the resistance. 

Reggie's relaxing these days contemplating men's messy sheets and painting perfect fingernails. Valerie adopted a kitten that might be named Vincent and received a shoulder tap from a stranger on the street who wanted to inform her about her height. Shame is a normal, but icky feeling. Regina has tips for getting over shame. One way to get rid of it is to talk that shit out. Share your feelings. Give it attention. Tell someone you trust. More than likely that person has experienced that same feeling and it will disappear. Brene Brown says that secrecy, silence, and judgement are what shame needs to exist. Valerie talks about EMDR therapy as a technique to get to the root of our shame and change negative beliefs locked in our nervous systems. Plus Wheatsville Co-op is our safe place during the Trump administration. This is Us is apparently a good show. This episode sponsored by Skype Cave, the best way for baby boomers to Facetime their loved ones. With Skype Cave parents can finally stop searching for darkened walk-in closets to make calls to their millennial, gen X, or gen Y kids from while still achieving the look that they’re being held hostage in an underground bunker. Skype Cave also offers views such as right nostril and popcorn-textured ceiling. Skype Cave!

Reggie and Valerie deconstruct the the doomy, gray, rainy, and white inauguration. And the jazzy, colorful, and diverse women's marches in Austin and around the world! Valerie marched beside a sweet 76 year old woman named Val who offered her Skittles and Werther's. Because that's what women do in the Trump Era. Regina doesn't believe in phone cases. Who has 4 thumbs and overthinks? Both of your Help Wanted hosts! We talk about the reasons we overthink: we've been conditioned to, we're fearful of being "wrong," and we often have too many choices. Regina talks about not worrying about "wrong" decisions but trusting that we have the ability to maneuver and course correct. Plus the story of St. Thekla, who ditched her fiance to take a vow a chastity, a pretty feminist thing to do way back when, wherever saints lived. This episode sponsored by Kittens! Grab a pussy while you try to protect your own. 

Valerie's new thing is Korean sheet masks. Reggie's starting off 2017 with a freer schedule and training sessions. We discuss the mysteries of the calendar and why we all have other people's events on it. Comedian and performer Tim Brewer talks with us about relationships and how and when to define them, dropping the L-bomb, break ups, and the secrets women may reveal in the way they kiss. He shares the story of how he got together with his wife—a story with twists, turns, a renunciation of faith, some bands Valerie's never heard of, and a raccoon-infested Wes Anderson-type house. Plus a trip down memory lane to a simpler time, called the early 2000s, on a show called Sex and The City, when Carrie Bradshaw wore Aidan's whitey tighties. This episode is sponsored by Desk Sandwich, a snack that seems not that great anywhere else, is actually not that bad while scrolling through your Facebook feed, reading depressing stories on Politico during your lunch break. 

Feminist filmmaker Juani Begood joins Help Wanted to chat about rape culture. What is it and how pervasive is it? We chat about how women minimize their own rape experiences, how partners can be supportive, and why talking about sexual assault is so important. This is perhaps the most overshare-y episode of Help Wanted to date. Lots of talk of unwanted jacking off and compulsive VHS masturbators. The world is divided into 2 kinds of people: those who have tonsils and those who don't. Plus Valerie is sad post-surgery, keeps visiting an orange tabby kitten at the shelter but can't commit to adoption, and would get her bathroom remodeled if she had one million cajillion dollars. Reggie's jotting down her gratitude and wants to have neighborhood cul de sac parties. View Juani Begood's work at juanibegood.com.

Valerie and Reggie talk NYE, surgery, and share clips from some of their favorite episodes of 2016: bathroom etiquette, imposter syndrome, settling (with guest Wyatt Tall), comparison, and vulnerability (with guest Lauren Cohen of Hope and Humor Therapy) and polyamory (with guest Jessica Taylor). Plus buttery nipples and dirty hospital floors. 

Performer and comedy writer Joseph Tran joins Help Wanted to tell us how best to engage in controversy over social media and how to shut down a fight. We chat about fake news, why people are so much more apt to get a tiff over Facebook, and Kanye West (note this episode was recorded before he met w/Trump). This episode sponsored by Forever Young Face Cream, specially formulated with the semen of John Stamos. 

We chat with Ali Thompson, a comedian who's used to pushing the envelope, about people pleasing in Part Two of our "How Not to be a Jerkface During the Holidays" series. How much do we do out of obligation and because we want people to like us (even if we don't really like them). Ali shares with us helpful tips and dick moves. We open the episode in a fit of laughter over The Romantic Adventures of Le Petite Goblin, an animated feature voiced by Regina Soto in the titular role of "Little Goblin." This episode is sponsored by Leftover Halloween Candy: it's not old, it's nostalgic of a time when the world still held hope.

The holidays post-election are a good time to practice empathy. Valerie shares tips for practicing and exhibiting empathy (when we're on the phone with customer service people, when people have different viewpoints and you don't want to be an explosive tornado in your personal life!). Reggie, on the other hand, thinks too much empathy can be bad. Also describing yourself as an empath sounds so silly.

Like an old married couple, Valerie and Regina missed their one year anniversary last week.

Plus former president Bill Quentin, penicillin allergies, shrimp are sneaky tricksters who want to kill us, The Secret, running in the rain, hidden Twitter, and should you go out with a person with a weird last name who's too tall and who said something stupid 4 years ago if they ask you out via Facebook? It's just coffee.

Sponsored by plaid shirts, the number one shirt for men of any age. Shirts have been around since the dawn of torsos and plaid has been around since shortly after solid colors. This holiday season get the men in your life the thing they've always wanted and already have: plaid shirts.

Valerie is riled up about Texas' latest abomination against women: the fetal tissue burial law. Regina's going to PF Chang's. Amy Winters, a Krav Maga instructor and the host of the podcast First-Person Fighter, joins us and shares how learning the Israeli self defense boosted her confidence, improved her relationships, and changed her life. She shares her journey from taking a class on a whim to now teaching combatives and self defenses to newbies. Find out how men and women approach classes differently, whether or not mace is helpful, and if steaks actually help swelling. Sponsored by Celebrity White Supremacist, tune in each week to see which celebrity pulls off a white cloak better: Tila Tequila or Stephen Baldwin. 

Valerie and Reggie disclose their Thanksgiving family dramas. Are mashed potatoes and canned cranberries worth the blathering messy fights? Apparently. Regina used the expensive tools she's garnered through therapy to express her feelings maturely to her mother. Meanwhile Valerie forgot altogether that she's ever tried to be an evolved human being. Valerie watched a Lifetime-eaque Christmas-y movie called Angel Sings where Connie Britton is cast in the most awful, non-complex role, but Willie Nelson and bunch of other Austin musicians perform, which was alright. We're joined by Help Wanted pal and comedian Wyatt Tall who talks with us about Lori Gottlieb's controversially titled book "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough," and all the things we wish we'd known when we were younger about dating. Or not. We talk about deal breakers; Gottlieb advises narrowing it down to 3. Tough stuff. This is our milestone 52nd episode! Thanks for listening vageenas! This episode sponsored by: These Undies, random underwear left on the bedroom floor.